Autumn
by iras.24
Summary: This is a beginning, starting from Nadia's death. In this chapter I've recounted some of the moments that were too hastily dealt with in the show... my first ever fan fiction, so I am looking to see how people would respond before continuing. If you read it..whether you enjoy following it or not, please do leave a line or two of feedback. New Ch...but still super unsure/nervous
1. Chapter 1

**1.**

Death consumes not only the person it claims, but its scraggly arms embrace and crush loving hearts. Our memories intertwine, and when someone so close is no more, we lose a part of ourselves – an abiding force of our living memories. Seeing Nadia's stiff, cold body, lying crooked on the floor – now with no hope of recovery, Lauren felt disembodied. She had cried over a dying Nadia already…but her Nadia was no longer before her. She looked down at this bloodied figure as though from a distance, as though she wasn't the Lauren that loved Nadia but a stranger. At first it was merely a body before her and she kept her mind focused on this corpse that had to be respectfully removed from the floor, cleaned, and wrapped in a body bag. She brought a fresh t-shirt and slacks from Nadia's closet and softly turned her body over, laying it straight and cold against the floor. She removed her clothes and sponge bathed the stiff figure on the floor, changed her clothes, and lay her in the body bag. Paramedics from her lab soon arrived and she instructed them to take the body away. It would go to the morgue in the compound first, before it could be sent to Nadia's family for burial. It didn't make sense to have the Fae bury Nadia, nor did it sound reasonable to have a funeral for her amid strangers. Lauren had invested so much of her heart, her mind, her being in that body for five years, but now she felt alienated. Now, after she had held Nadia breathing and warm in her arms, she wanted the body and Nadia to remain separate. Her Nadia was distinct, a heavy bossom, soft arms, the most beautiful smile, musty eyes, and a gentle touch – cherished now, only as a memory.

With a battle with the Garuda looming, a storm that sent its messengers through the darkening sky, it would have been a privilege to shed tears and break down over such a loss. She wasn't so privileged. Lauren went to work the next day. Her head was ringing mid-day and her body felt limp from exhaustion. She needed to, it was scientifically necessary for her to switch out of this state. Sometimes we exercise or eat chocolate to give us the rush to cope with our stagnating thoughts and sinking heart. Lauren needed something more. Sex perhaps? Not love-making, merely a physical stimulation that would gut her plummeting heart and body. No, that would be the worst way of coping, she thought. For once, she decided that she was going to let herself be vulnerable before a friend…the friend…the person who had killed Nadia. But Bo hadn't killed Nadia, Lauren herself was the key assassin. Bo had followed her directions…but only, if only Bo hadn't been so quick to do so.

As much as she may have wished otherwise, Lauren and Bo were hardly on informal terms. Lauren went home first to change and fix her hair before she headed to Bo's clubhouse or crap shack as Bo and Kenzi called it. They drank together that faded night, Nadia a cold and unspoken presence between them. After rambling about her earlier thoughts, her rationalizations of how best to cope with her emotions, Lauren asked Bo if she could sleep in her arms. Even though Lauren bared herself in that moment, she knew that she would be welcome in Bo's embrace. She needed a moment of release, if just one night. They held each other uncomfortably on Bo's bed, there was so much unspoken, unresolved between them. But tonight was worse than that, Lauren was breaking inside, questioning her existence. Bo was all she had and they held on to each other intimately. This night was all she had right now. All she could focus on.

And so Nadia was gone forever and with her were gone all of Lauren's memories of a life before captivity, a life when she was respected and the sky was the limit, when there were no Fae, when she hadn't aged decades.

**2.**

At the break of dawn, Lauren was dressed, crisp white button down, blue jeans, and back at the lab. There would be no more weak moments, the time for weakness was gone. People that she cared about were endangered, the world was at battle front and Lauren had to contribute all she had to give. So bleak had life been already, and not much had changed. She smiled at her laptop and began to scan her database for venom preservants. Soon she was running molecular simulations for keeping the Naga venom viscous and effective, for keeping alive the only antidote to the monster brewing not so far away.

She no longer had the strength for being conflicted over love, no longer the privilege of being torn between two wonderful women. She had lost one already, and she had to do all she could to not lose the other. The thought gripped her like a fever and she worked feverishly. Lauren's genius was her ability at accuracy even when she worked as though intoxicated. Every circumstance and possibility was mapped in detail and structured on her computer. She laid out all her very best technological resources to measure and construct compounds that would have help preserve the venom, preserve in it a life force even when it was removed from the animate person in which it lived. She checked and rechecked formulas. Every detail was configured and reconfigured and checked for errors. By 2.00am that night, Lauren was ready to extract the venom from the Ash, confident that she could preserve it, keep it alive.

The next day, Lachlan was dead. It didn't take long to sink in. People around her were falling like twigs. The pain, the pace of it all was sending her mind reeling. But it only made her work as though in a frenzy. Every moment was precious. There was no time for grieving and none at all for sleep. Lachlan was dead, but she had kept the venom alive. But, it seemed, only for an hour…

Soon after she delivered the capsules containing the venom into the temperature controlled chamber, her monitor began to beep. The venom was coagulating! Her preservants had worked but only momentarily. They venom was dying a slow death. What could have possibly gone wrong in her calculations? Lauren was not one to panic easily. She gulped down two bitter shots of expresso and opened up the simulations of her molecular models and began to check every detail and every bond that corresponded to the liquid that she now had in her lab.

Sometime in the evening, as Lauren worked tirelessly, Bo walked into her lab and broke her concentration.

"Bo…what happened? Who did this to you?" Lauren stood up immediately when she saw cuts and bruises on Bo's face and strode towards her unbuttoning her shirt.

"It was red caps…I need…" Bo started.

"You need to heal, yes, of course," Lauren reached closer to her.

"I was going to say an asprin," Bo finished.

This was embarrassing and Lauren softly walked toward her medicine cabinet smiling, her cheeks ablaze. Not that she had been pining to merge physically with Bo, she had hardly spared a thought on their relationship. She had just been so focused on rationalizing every moment, every thought, every effort…and in the end it was all meant to save Bo. Seeing her injured, Lauren's scientific understanding of her Fae nature had kicked in and she was by her side immediately, ready to let the Succubus feed from her to heal. No this was nothing sexual, but she was left red and flushed.

"It's really not that bad…" Bo continued, "besides Lauren, you know that I would never," she tried to compensate for Lauren's embarrassment.

"I know, I am not thinking clearly," Lauren thoughtlessly replied, softly cleaning the bruises on Bo's face. "It's the Naga venom. I've tried every anti-coagulant known to man and fae…and…just no luck."

Bo winced as Lauren's swabbed the cut on her forehead. "I'm sorry I shouldn't be complaining about being stressed to you," Lauren continued, again anxious about what Bo would have to confront.

"It's okay, I like it." Bo held her withdrawing hand. "It makes me forget what's waiting for us out there." It was a fleeting moment, but looking at each other then, amid all the chaos in their lives, they both knew what held them together, the depth of the connection that bound them.

"Do you remember what happened when the Lick forced you to feed off of me?"

"Yeah. I sucked the Chi out of an entire room full of people."

"It scared the hell out of me," Lauren confessed, shaking her head slightly, but with a new realization in her eyes.

"Me too. The worst part is, I don't know how I did it, or what triggered my rage."

"Well I have a hypothesis…" she slowly raised her eyes to meet Bo's. "I think it's because of…what we feel for each other," she spoke slowly.

Bo's gaze was focused on Lauren alone, a near alive eye-contact binding them, Bo stood up, "You take my breath away…" their faces were inches apart…

"Breathless…" Lauren whispered.

"Completely," Bo was overwhelmed, short of breath, as she moved in to kiss Lauren.

"No…that's it," Lauren backed away immediately, gears in her mind turning, "the Naga venom is only deoxygenated when it's in stasis." She ran back to her desk and the papers spread out on it.

"Glad I could be of help."

Lauren gave Bo a last lingering glance seeing the anxious but resolute face of someone with a big, huge heart that she so cared about, "See you soon."

"See you soon." Bo quietly walked out, leaving Lauren to her work. One moment with Bo had anchored her mind to the right solution. The Naga venom was saved.

Completing the task at hand though was not a relief, it was a moment to confront so much that she had been suppressing. But that would have to wait longer. Sleep deprived for over 36 hours, Lauren stretched out on the couch in her office to close her eyes for just a few hours.

**3. **

After a tense meeting at the Dal later that night in which Bo briefed everyone, including Vex, on her plan to fight the Geruda, Lauren returned to her lab and began to wrap up her work on Lachlan's venom. She struggled to save two of the samples, but her efforts failed. They were too degraded. Her new formula only managed to recover one dosage of Lachlan's venom: the only chance that Bo had.

Bo stopped by later to collect it. Trick had been kidnapped by the Geruda and Bo felt the odds had suddenly tipped against them. Their conversation was brief but Lauren made evident how much faith she had in Bo and in her strength.

"You have faith in yourself, in your heart…"

"It's not my heart I'm worried about," Bo met her gaze, "I love you…all…so much."

Lauren gently caressed her cheek and Bo sank into her touch. Lauren was assured then that her affection was reciprocated and that she had a hold over Bo, a hold that shook her internally with fear and rapture. She looked down, but only to compose herself. This was a time to be strong, for Bo, for everyone she cared about.


	2. Chapter 2

**1.**

In the vast reaches of a forest in Washington, amid a ring of tall conifers, was located a pristine laboratory that was teeming with activity. There were workers in starched white lab coats bustling about, working on notecard thin computer screens, and preparing chemical concoctions in its various sanitized, deodorized chambers. And yet none of their faces were human or fae, their pale scaled skins stretched across their faces endlessly atop where they should have had features: eyes, noses, mouths. On the top floor of the futuristic building sat a man with dark blonde hair. His muscular face was strained in concentration and his gash of a mouth was dead straight.

"The succubus killed our spy. I had thought that at the very least you would strengthen Nadia to fight off a mere knife attack. She was killed too easily… Now, is the time to strike. We cannot let them gain any advantage over us or find out any more than they have to. I do not expect any more mistakes from you," the man narrowed his smokey gray eyes and spoke gruffly. He was clearly the boss here.

"Michail, I did strengthen Nadia," spoke the Garuda. "She had all the impulses to kill. But then that human doctor pulled some trick and broke my hold on her and she let herself be killed. Really, she invited it. It was her stupid human choice."

"Yes. She was not a creature, Nadia. She was human and humans are harder to control…unlike the fae species…dangle a bone in front of a dog and the dog will follow it. Fae are mere animals, determined by their appetite, their carnal desires, their anatomies. I regret that humans must be sacrificed for our purpose, but what's a little bit of collateral damaged, eh?" his voice veered off momentarily. And then he ordered, "Go feed Garuda, start their little civil war. Ours is a mutually beneficial agreement… even if I hold you in my fist."

The wings of fire appeared and with a single flap, the eagle took flight from a large window…soaring like a shooting star into a silent night sky looming over the forest.

**2.**

After Bo left with the Naga venom that night, Lauren continued to devise creative ways to keep herself busy and her hands occupied. But filling syringes with tranquilizers and other paralyzing toxins for her little arsenal for battle was not much of a challenge for the Doctor. Soon she found herself with little to do but wait. Wait for the night to fade. Wait for battle. Wait, alone.

She walked out into the garden before her lab and stood under the stars. Lauren felt cold loneliness grip her heart as she gazed at the starry sky. This sky had gifted her a conforting sense of wonder when she was a young girl. How beautifully a vivid childish imagination can conjure companions in a distant sky, Lauren thought. How she wished she could return to that state of infinite possibilities. Before her, now, lay an endless stretch of emptiness. Only one cinder raked some hope still in her wintry heart, Bo. The wind rustled leaves in the black oak next to her. The only other sound there was, was the Doctor's deep belabored breath.

She stood perhaps for hours, listening to the wind, with a hand thoughtlessly tousling her blonde hair.

**3.**

Kenzi was grateful for Bo's presence that night, more than she would ever verbally acknowledge. She sat with Bo on their couch.

"You know if this really is the faepocalypse, you shouldn't be alone. You should go be with your girl."

"I'm not alone," Bo laid a reassuring hand on Kenzi's knee, "I'm with you."

A part of her winced though that whilst she was with her family, with Kenzi, in the warmth of her apartment, Lauren was spending the night alone. Perhaps Dyson was too. Bo smiled at the thought of the beautiful Doctor, so strong and so compassionate, always there for everyone, sparing no time for herself. Lauren was really the bravest, strongest person she knew. Her thoughts briefly lingered on Lauren's hand on her face earlier that day. She would do anything but let that caress down. She had to make the Garuda suffer.

"Bo Bo! Let's drink up then! To you kicking the Garuda's feathery ass!" Kenzi raised her glass of red wine.

"Cheers Kenz. Let's just hope we all survive tomorrow and that bird is shoved back into its nest or wherever the hell it belongs. It's caused too much pain already."

They clinked their wine glasses and drank deeply.


End file.
